Ankylosing Spondylitis.

​Laying there in front, in plain sight, yet invisible, there lays another world.

No-one sees that i, every morning need an hour to unwind my back. 10minutes before an uv lamp to ease the pain. A painkiller a half i’m taking every day just so a bit of money i could make.Working parttime… Making scraps! Yet i never missed a single day. For to work, to come home being unable to do anything but laying on a couch, while on the bad days screaming for every inch we move. To fear any movement as where lays stilness there lays peace. No pain, absolutely free. 

To foresight being addicted to painkillers, in this case, the lesser of two evils… These burn my stomach, a medecine that is killing me, yet keeping me alive. It’s helping me work to survive.

To need 10 to 12h of sleep to refill what i need. Then some nights, shun in the darkness every movement feels as the devil is clawing his paws into my spine, scratching my skin to destroy everything within. For when it rains i feel the pain finding it’s way trough my skin. I then feel my body consuming itself, it’s burning me from within.To lay there, on my bed. Feeling as if shatterred glas got sprinkled everywhere and i’m just laying there. Laying there dying, suffocating. For even the ribs feel as a clam tightend it’s grip. To need to inject oneself every week, with a fucking needle allways playing hide and seek. This cure that destroys my immune system, the lesser of two evils.

Then there is ” As above, as below” Where the body struggles, the mind does too…! One of my goals was, is and will allways make the invisible visible. Trough silence and metaphors i will paint not a rainbow but the absolute reality, a reality for thousands yet nobody has the eyes to see.

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